I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
