East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
