we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
