Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
