She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
