You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
