My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
