and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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