You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
