if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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