i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
