I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
