my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
