I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
