I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
