if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
