The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
