I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
