i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
