things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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