U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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