He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
