This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
