Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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