The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
