Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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