hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
