I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
