return my video game
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I could fuck to npr.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
