remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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