does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
