i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So many bounce houses so little time
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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