Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
