You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
