worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
