I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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