I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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