I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
