so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
