the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
