i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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