Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
