There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
