final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
