HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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