I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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