I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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