We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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