If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
