your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
